you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
