I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
