I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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