I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
