never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
