I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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