Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Randomize
