So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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