just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize