So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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