Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize