Non-Jews are for practice
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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