Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
