I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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