I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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