His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
