The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
