Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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