God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
a search helicopter?!
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
