just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
