remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
