My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I won't apologize to a one balled man
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
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