i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
