I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
