Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
