I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
