I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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