dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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