I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
We got so high we made milksteak
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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