I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
