I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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