Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize