no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
