Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
