garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize