I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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