he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
