smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He shit in the fireplace
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
