I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
