I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
