Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Boobs speak an international language.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
the liver wants what the liver wants
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
