do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
