She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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