I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
