i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
