And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
