Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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