we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
