Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
