Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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