I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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