Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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