if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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