nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
