i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
