I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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