Duck Duck Cougar?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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