What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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