Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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