Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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