FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
