I think scott just propositioned me for sex
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
