OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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