The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
