I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
