Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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